Monday, March 24, 2014

Does Satan Read Blogs?

Sometimes I think that Satan is reading my Blog and then attacks me right where it hurts.  I wrote about Joy is Suffering several weeks back, and I thought I had a good handle on keeping the joy going even though things were not exactly great with my health. 

Lately, I have had a hard time finding joy in my day.  I have tried singing little songs in my head about the joy that Jesus brings, but that bubble of happiness has not surfaced.  I sink myself deep into God's Word and understand fully that He wants us to give our sorrows and fears to Him so we can feel His joy, but my head is not connecting to my heart. 

I feel like I need a good belly laugh.  The kind that makes you cry, and at my old age, pee my pants.  I certainly don't get joy from the endless hours of watching TV because I don't have much strength to do anything else. 

I heard that a person needs to experience at least 5 minutes of joy every day for their overall health.  I think of my children and husband, and the great moments of joy we have had in traveling.  I think about the fun times with my parents, step-parents, and friends.  I am very blessed with such a great support system.  I absolutely can't help but thank God for his mercy and work in my life, and the good I have been able to be a part of through Him. 

You would think that these beautiful thoughts would fill my entire day with joy, but something dark starts to take over by mid-morning, and the joy starts to fade into frustration that I can't breathe well (I had another 1700 ml drained from lung last Thursday), and that I will be at COH every day this week due to chemo and radiation.  I don't think the chemo is working out.

My minister, and friend, Betsy told me to be honest this week when I wrote my Blog.  So this is my honest struggle right now, and I know it will help you to be specific in your prayers for me.  I still could not live without my love of Jesus and the knowledge that I serve a God who can do great things.  God lays it all out there in His Word, but somehow it needs to penetrate my heart and flood the chamber that taps into joy. 

I am looking for better, and joyful, days ahead.  Thank you for speaking to God on my behalf.  Sometimes I don't have all the answers, but I know that God does.

Sandy