This past weekend was a hard one for our girls. Because of recent news, we were encouraged to tell them the truth about my current condition. Now that they know, I feel I can be honest to all of my friends and family.
Two weeks ago I as given the news that I only have one more chemotherapy available to me, and it's chance of shrinking the tumors in my liver are about 20% at best. I have quickly gone through the last really strong chemo drugs. One started in September, but by the end of December had become ineffective. The second chemo started in January and has now failed me. This last chemo is a long shot, but one we are hoping God can work with. I start the new chemo tomorrow.
My second crack (in the door of hope) is a biopsy I had done this past Friday that will be sent in for Molecular Profiling. There is a slight chance it will come back in three week with a chemo that the doctors may have not thought of.
There is a final shot in the dark option having to do with radiation. We have not gotten word if I am a candidate for it.
Not news we wanted to ever hear, and not news we ever wanted to pass on. But the reality is facing us that time is winding down, unless God wants to step in.
It is no secret that I believe in healing. I believe it with all my heart. At this very moment I feel like two freight trains are bearing down on me. One is healing and the power of God to use it as an incredible testimony for what I know is true. The other train is death, and I am not afraid for myself but deeply sad for my family.
My faith will never waiver. No matter what the answer is, I know God will provide for everyone around me in ways that will blow their mind. I have always tried hard not to make this about me, but about the amazing purpose and journey I have found in the past seven years, which has brought others to know Jesus better.
I still believe in God's promises, and I know at the end of the day He would never lie. Answers to promises don't always come as we would like them to look. I am honestly in the negotiation phase of convincing God that I can do more for His Kingdom here on earth than in an hour funeral service. But, when you want the will of God above anything else, you know in your heart that the masterpiece God is painting is not fully revealed until we are in heaven. I don't know what role I have in this masterpiece. I know it has been something, but I want more.
We are trying to keep things normal for our family. We don't listen to doctor estimates because we know God can do exceedingly more, and I have always been on His time table. I have had seven years instead of five (or less). It is a tough year to have this happen with all of the incredible milestones of graduation, Hawaii, 50th BD, Rachel going to college and Michelle going to High School.
I cling to some familiar verses that people of written on my Blog and sent in cards.
Isaiah 43:1-3
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
Ephesians 3:20-21
20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
What can you do? Just pray for us. Pray for great memories to be made. Pray for joy and peace to settle into all of our hearts. Pray for wisdom and guidance. Most of all, pray for healing.
Love to you all,
Sandy
